So today was the day, I started the 12 week Body for Life Competition.  This is a project that I have started 5 times in the last 6 years only making it to the 3rd or 4th week and never really thinking about the food.  I am in a different state of mind this time.  I am excited because I really started on the right track this go around.  I planned and planned for days.  I downloaded the entry form, took before pictures UGH, and got my home gym set up.  I could not sleep because I was so excited.  Could you believe it? Excited to work out.  Working with Dr Dina this past year, I have found strength inside myself I never knew I had.  We have worked together so I have learned not to diet but to be more mindful while eating.  I did toss and turn last night thinking of all my previous failures which would of stopped my breathe before. This time I thought about them and took away learning experiences from each try.  It felt right.  I am tired of focusing on things not done.  I am looking at the truth of the matter.  I am going to do all 12 weeks.  I deserve the time for myself to work out.  I deserve to eat healthy things that make me feel better.  Is that true, yes Bryon Katie, you know it lady!!!  Don't get me wrong.  I am hungry today and TIRED.  My arms felt like jelly this morning.  Tomorrow is aerobics.  Let me tell you this makes me nervous, I have not done that much aerobics in a long time.  Fingers crossed.  Day 1 of 84.  Good Night.

I am just starting this blog thing. Kind of excited.

Hi, my name is Barb.  It has taken me a while to find strengh in myself to believe I am SUPER.  I know I am nice.  I love to help people even at a cost to myself.  I have come to realize I am not SUPERWOMAN, I am just wonderful me.  For 30+ years, I have never thought I was wonderful.  I thought by making people happy that would make me happy, that would makethem love me.  I am not so different then many people in the world. Raise in a broken home, told by family "it is ok you are not pretty, you have pretty hair", searching for love in the wrong place, and being hurt in the worst way just because I  wanted to be loved.  Someone asked me once "Did you ever love yourself, can you tell yourself you love YOU?"  First, why would I talk to myself, I was trying to be funny.  A year ago I could not tell myself that I loved me.  Today I can.  I do love me as much as I love my amazing family.  YES, that does surprise me.  I never thought I could say it. I am getting stronger every day. Baby steps.  We all have set backs, I don't understand why I do not allow myself to have set backs.  I want to believe I am human. Correction: I do believe I am human not Superwoman or my heroine WONDER WORMAN.  You know she is amazingly beautiful. I watched Lynda Carter when I was younger, so stronger, catching bad guys, and everyone loved her.  I think my brother might have been the biggest fan but I wanted to be her.

So this is me, realizing I am not Wonder Woman who I call Super Woman (sorry Marvel Comic guys), just a woman on a journey to love herself more.  It is a new journey for me.  Laughter, Tears, Joy, and Heartache are the flowers on the side of this path. I can't wait to see what lies ahead.