Monday, April 30, 2012
So today was the day, I started the 12 week Body for Life Competition. This is a project that I have started 5 times in the last 6 years only making it to the 3rd or 4th week and never really thinking about the food. I am in a different state of mind this time. I am excited because I really started on the right track this go around. I planned and planned for days. I downloaded the entry form, took before pictures UGH, and got my home gym set up. I could not sleep because I was so excited. Could you believe it? Excited to work out. Working with Dr Dina this past year, I have found strength inside myself I never knew I had. We have worked together so I have learned not to diet but to be more mindful while eating. I did toss and turn last night thinking of all my previous failures which would of stopped my breathe before. This time I thought about them and took away learning experiences from each try. It felt right. I am tired of focusing on things not done. I am looking at the truth of the matter. I am going to do all 12 weeks. I deserve the time for myself to work out. I deserve to eat healthy things that make me feel better. Is that true, yes Bryon Katie, you know it lady!!! Don't get me wrong. I am hungry today and TIRED. My arms felt like jelly this morning. Tomorrow is aerobics. Let me tell you this makes me nervous, I have not done that much aerobics in a long time. Fingers crossed. Day 1 of 84. Good Night.
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Before I forget, had to share the kids thoughts from starting this project. So my heart was breaking that I had to ask my daughter to take my before pictures. I was embarrassed and sadden. She took the pictures and then we talked about it and why I was doing this. I told her I wanted to be healthy to watch her grow up. I am always surprised at how much I depend on my beautiful daughter. With the 9 deployments, she is always there for me. I walk a very thin line being her mommy and not a buddy. She is an amazing listerner and cheerleader for me. I worked out this morning before both kids got up. She told me, "Mommy, I think you look skinner". Yay for 10 year old perceptions. Now for my son, who has autism and teaches me things everyday. He was upset because we would not let him in during pictures, even though I was in a bathing suit. He is 13 years old. I did not realize until we came out that he was crying because we "shut him out". The three of us are very tight. Team DuPree always. I ended up showing him the pictures. Well, if strangers are going to judge them, my son should probably see them. He calmed down by bed time but before he went into his room, he stated "Mom, I don't know if I want you smoking". WHAT, I have never smoked anything in my life. I said, "Honey, I don't smoke", he replied with hand gestures "Not smoking, SMOKIN like hot, mommy". I can tell you in all my life no one has called me SMOKIN. I talked to him about it and he didn't want me to be pretty and leave him and daddy. I promised I would not do any such thing. It was cute though. I love my kids.
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